Why Did The Mushroom Go To The Party?


And that Fungi had the best damn time of his shroomy little life. He had a threesome with spinach and swiss chard, he got underneath tomato, and almost made it to third with the twins : onion and garlic. Too bad he didn’t live to tell the story, he was devoured by a wild human mouth about 15 minutes ago. RIP Mushy.

Too far? Whatever.


My inspiration for this meal came from my adventures at the Farmers Market yesterday. I went in with $15, and of my three veggie purchases i absolutely felt the need to buy 4 beautiful portobello mushrooms from the mushroom stand. So as everyone else lugged around turban squash, apples and pumpkins, I went with the portobello’s, which are always in season, and can be found in every single grocery store in the city.


But they’re organic, so i can probably fly now or move mountains or something. Hurray for health.


It probably had a lot more to do with the man behind the booth. He ONLY sold mushrooms which is absolutely jokes. Who the heck goes to a farmer market and only sells one item? I have literally never seen this before. A shady little man with his table of perfectly grown mushrooms. He had about 10 different kinds including pink oyster mushrooms which i didn’t even know existed. He was absolutely hilarious, and lets be quite honest here, i’m sure if i had only hinted at the idea of magic mushrooms he would have pulled a sketchy little ziploc bag right out of his pocket to sell to me. #regrets


Regardless, the portobello’s were calling to me, and now i know why:


BAM! That looks good right? And to top it off it’s low fat, vegan, vegetarian, dairy- free, wheat- free AKA you can get eat it without regrets.







2 portobello mushrooms + stems
2 cloves garlic
ginger (your preference)
half an onion chopped
swiss chard
tamari sauce (gluten free soy)
sesame oil


Before i give you the steps, you should know you can literally use portobello mushrooms for so many things. Just cook them up w sesame oil and tamari sauce and they’re good on their own, sliced up in wraps or for tacos, mixed with other vegetables and especially in replace of a burger or steak. nom nom.










1. Cut the stems off your mushrooms and save them for later. Also cut off all the black pulp and throw that far away, that’s the stuff that turns your portobello’s black.

2. Heat up a pan with sesame oil and place your mushrooms in head up. Season with salt and pepper, splash them with some tamari  sauce and flip. About 2-4 minutes per side (depends on the size of the shroom)

3. Chop up your onion, garlic and mushroom stems. Throw them in a pan with some sesame oil and caramelize. Set aside.

4. Next up: your greens. I used swiss chard and spinach. Throw them in a pan w some oil (you can use any oil for these) until they are nice and wilted. Season with pepper. NOT SALT. There is so much sodium in the tamari sauce that you wont need to salt anything else.

5. Tomato’s are the last step. You can cook them in some oil or broil them in the oven so they soften or leave them raw. Entirely up to you.

6. Assembly line! Shroom. Onion/ garlic. Green. Shroom. Tomatoes. More onion/ garlic! Voila.






You can literally use anything for this. Imagine slicing zucchini, eggplant and tomato, roasting them up, and making a shroom tower with them! That’s next on the list.

K enough, don’t talk with your mouth full.




5 thoughts on “Why Did The Mushroom Go To The Party?

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